dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
