New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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