does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
