I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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