the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
