The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
