Whod you bang
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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