i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
