I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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