Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
