Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
