Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
