I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
