you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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