So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
