At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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