Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
