im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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