no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
