Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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