Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
