it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
