Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
