I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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