No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
