Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
