4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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