the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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