I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
