It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
