Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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