He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
