Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
