I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
