I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
