I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
