Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
