I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Randomize
