Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you will always have a special place in my vag
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
