she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
