I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
