a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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