He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
