we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
