I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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