So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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