Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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