so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
