we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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