The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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