Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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