it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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