rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
