This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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