it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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