I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
